Lessons Learned from College

                Last weekend I was playing a board game with my family when my mother asked me if I had any advice to pass along to her coworker’s daughter who was going to be a freshman at Marist College.  I immediately thought of the standard responses, leave your door open, invest in a good fake id, be responsible, do not procrastinate and I thought what I would give to be in that position once again.  I also knew that she probably heard that same advice too many times so after so contemplation I came up with this list of important lessons I learned during college that I would pass on to anyone ready to embark on a journey known as college, the best four years of your life.  My cousin gave me a similar list of lessons he learned during his 20’s after I graduated which was an immense help.  Just of note if you already graduated college it would be awesome to see if you could relate to what I’m about to say, have any advice of your own.  Also, this post is geared towards those about to attend Marist College, but these lessons can be applied anywhere and in the real world as well.

 Leave your Door Open

                As a freshman during the first few weeks of school it is a good idea to leave your door open.  People will pop in say hi, introduce themselves, and it is a great way to meet new people.  Throughout college and life it is a good idea to keep your door open as you never know who is ready to walk through if you let them.  A team, club, or major should never determine the people who will exclusively become your friends.  I’ll admit freely that most of my closest friends at Marist College were on the track team with me.  However, I’m also blessed to have met truly awesome people beyond the track team.  My Facebook status the night of senior formal was how I believed the best people in the world attended Marist College and a year later there is a not a doubt in my mind that is true.  I met some of my best friends the final weeks and months of my senior year so it is never too late to meet someone who can change your life for the better. 

                Always keep yourself open to new opportunities that may present themselves.  If there was one thing I regret from my college experience it was never taking the opportunity to study abroad.  I was too invested in athletics to put that aside and immerse myself in another culture.  I wish I had done a spring attachment in another country that would have afforded me a chance to experience life abroad while still helping my team domestically.  Take advantage of spring breaks as an opportunity to go away with friends.  It is the chance to have a great time with friends without looming exams or assignments to break up the party.  Throughout high school life is very structured.  You have class Monday – Friday, likely go to bed around the same time each time and wake up around the same time each morning.  If you had parents like mine you likely had curfews on the weekend.  There is nothing preventing you from grabbing life by the horns and taking advantage of every opportunity that comes your way in college. 

Do not Judge

                I’m not going to make the claim that Marist is a diverse school, but likely you’ll meet people different from the group of friends you had during high school.  High school, or at least my experience, is defined by clicks with little social interaction outside a homogenous group of friends that share similar thoughts and mindsets.  It is therefore easy to get to college and decide hey that doesn’t look like someone I want to be friends with.  It is also likely you never gave someone like that a chance back in high school.  Many people are so quick to judge and label another in college.  The only thing that girl you labeled a slut is a guilty of is being misunderstood.  It seems at times we know a person’s entire story before we have the chance to open the book.  I myself have been in the position before and I hate every time I’m guilty of it.  Often we are completely wrong when we judge another and other times there are reasons why a person acts a certain way.  You never know the type of demons someone is battling until you first give yourself the chance to get to know them.  Just because someone chooses differently what to do with their body, has beliefs contrary to your own or carries themselves in a different manner doesn’t necessarily make her bad person.  Often times we are quick to point out the splinter in another person’s eye, but are too blind to notice the beam in our own. If you’re gay you’re gay, if your religious views differ from mine at least you have something to believe in, if your skin color is different than mine it doesn’t matter we’re one family at Marist and at the end of the day none of this matters.  If you walk in a move-in day and your roommate is already on his headset yelling for backup on World of Warcraft then I would suggest walking back out going to housing and requesting a room change ASAP and then question your decision to put Sheehan as your number housing preference.  Actually, I’d suggest doing none of that.  What’s the worst thing that can happen when you reach out and get to know someone else?  You learn something new about someone and find out a little bit more about yourself in the process.

The Greatest Person you can be is Yourself

                College is largely about discovery, discovering who you are and who you want to be.  If you think you have all the answers to life at the tender age of eighteen you are mistaken.  I’m twenty-three and my shit is far from together.  Although my ducks are still not in a row, I can take solace in knowing I’m happy with the person I am at the moment.  I’m an imperfect person, but I’ve grown to accept my imperfections and work on improving my weaknesses.

                In college I was a clown.  I was that guy dancing by himself on a platform after too much to drink at the local watering hole, Rennies.  I heard rumblings, “look at the kid he is an embarrassment, joke, idiot, etc.”  I never let that stuff get to me because at the end of the day I was having a great time and I was giving my friends a good laugh.  I’d rather go out and make an embarrassment of myself than sit back and judge others.  I’ve not always been comfortable in my own skin, but I learned to be throughout college.  The people in your life who you feel the need to impress are usually not worth the effort.  True friends will like you for who you are and not for who they want you to be.

                I would tell you that I never gave into peer pressure while in college, but that would be a blatant lie.  If you asked me to do something there’s a good chance I’d do it; if you told me I wouldn’t do something then there was a great chance I was going to do it.  Those decisions usually resulted in me waking up the next morning and asking the question why did I do that, or the even better, “you’re tell me I did what?!?”  Peer pressure is omnipresent in college and you will be waging a constant battle of vice vs. virtue.  I’m not going to give that paternal advice you’ve probably already received, the, “You go to college to receive an education and not to party.”  It is all about knowing when to say yes and when to say no.  Some of my greatest stories from college have come from when I decided to say yes to peer pressure, but I likely would have graduated with a much lower GPA if I always said yes.  Life and college is a large balancing act between what you can and cannot do.  The best advice I can offer is get your work done early. The pressure is much more subdued when you choose not to procrastinate.

Create Your own Jerk Squad

                Jerk Squad was an idea developed by a few Marist College juniors two years before I got to the school.  By the time my freshman year arrived it had evolved into its current state, a meal shared by friends at 9:00 Wednesdays in the cabaret after night class.  Most members were participants on the track and field team and everyone was a dude, the one requirement.  It was a great way to break up the week, have a meal with friends, and shoot the shit.  We had our awards at the end of the year called the Jerkies, similar to the Dundies on the Office, Secret Santa around Christmas time, and celebrated a myriad of holidays and events in between.  Throughout college I had a number of different traditions that helped break up the week, give me something to look forward to, and provide an opportunity to hang out with friends.  My freshman year we’d gather in my friend Nicks room every week for Rob & Big, Tuesday nights most semesters were a volleyball night, sophomore year we’d have family dinners on Sundays, Junior year we’d have Tuesday night drinking organized by everyone’s favorite Orientation Leader Colin Johnson at 56 Sunset, and my Senior year it was mug nights every Wednesday followed by McDonalds with our favorite cab driver Phatz. 

                Create traditions of your own.  Intramural sports are always fun as they provide an opportunity to be active and compete without the pressure of varsity athletics.  Find a TV show that you enjoy watching and find a place to watch it every week.  It’s always great to have something to look forward to every week and an opportunity to gather with friends.  When those nights come around in the real world and your calendar is empty it will be something you miss.

Don’t Let Dreams be Dreams

                My good friend Ryan Brown actually texted me this advice last weekend as it holds weight even after college.  At a young age we were probably asked the question what we want to be when we grow up.  As we age our dreams seem to get supplanted by the “realistic.”  There are people at every corner in life that will inform you that your dreams and goals are unattainable and that you should focus on something more obtainable.  That reassuring voice in our head that tells us yes we can gets drowned out by our critics and those “realists” as we age.  We then realize more and more that we are settling for less than our best.  If you have high career aspirations in a field where there are no jobs don’t let your dreams die; just know you will have to work that much harder.  Bright, hard working people will always find success in life.  

                I barely passed the ELA exam in fourth grade and my mother got the notion in my head that I was a horrific writer.  When I got to college I knew I couldn’t hack it as a writer because this notion had been reinforced throughout my life.  I was also informed by others throughout life that I couldn’t make it in any other field.  By the time I got to college I decided to become a business/accounting major because I hadn’t been informed I was lousy at the subject, mostly because I had never tried.  Don’t let the voices of others force into a decision.  I wound up enjoying accounting, but I consider myself lucky.  There are so many people that hate going to work each day because earlier in life they were dissuaded from perusing their goals by all their detractors.   

                If you dream of achieving success in athletics or an endeavor outside academics then train hard.  It is much easier to balance athletics and school than it is to balance athletics, work, and a family.  If you’re ever to going to get after it this is the time in your life to realize your potential.  I no longer run, but it feels good knowing I put the effort in and enjoyed the results in college.  If you have a dream guy or girl, then put yourself out there.  You might get rejected, but it’s better than thinking back on what could have been.  I’m admittedly no relationship expert, but I do know there’s nothing wrong with taking a chance.  If you've spent your first 18 years of life as a dreamer then it is finally time to become a doer and make your dreams a reality.

               

  I miss Marist College and could write a whole other post on everything I miss from college.  But I also know I’m blessed to have attended such a wonderful school.  I learned so much during those four years, made memories I’ll treasure forever, and met some of the greatest people imaginable.    There is little sense reflecting more on the glory days, but I know with the foundation I was given I have the tools to be successful in life.